Sometimes, we run out of words and ideas, especially when we need to start a deep conversation with our partner. With the rise of technology, the internet, the tablet, and the ever-essential mobile, everyone appears so busy. So, there’s not a moment to look away from these devices to hold a conversation beyond saying “hi.”
Even a mate will come rushing in on their phone, slight kiss with sometimes a quick, “how are you.” But then the five-second window their eye contact allows doesn’t offer enough time to say anything other than, “good. And you?”
But what if you’re really not good? What if you want to answer that question and share a little? But before you know it, your loving partner has run off to the other room with another device to sit captive for however long until it’s time for dinner, during which you compete with the foot and social networking.
When passing up what could be real, authentic conversations, couples are missing the opportunity to strengthen the connection they share and deepen their bond.
Meaningful discussions can help mates process things they might otherwise have difficulty understanding, whether these are personal challenges or world issues you hope someone can help you make sense of.
A partner sharing a deep dialogue can open your eyes to a new perspective. Also, that will help you gain insight into a topic, and teach you something you might not have known.
Most people, especially couples, hope to connect on a deeper level. They want to carry on those heavier conversations without talking over the top of each other, going at each other, or even battling against each other which results in ignorance.
That requires listening with an open mind, reflecting on what’s being said instead of preparing to rebut, consuming the information, and allowing it to process into fresh ideology.
It requires trust, respect, and a feeling of safety in your vulnerability. Let’s look at a few tips on creating a deep conversation instead of talking to others and neglect the role of dialogue in marriage and relationships.
Deep conversation starters for couples
Many mates don’t put down their mobile or tablet because they fear being vulnerable. There’s a bit of doubt where trust should be that a conversation sharing personal opinions and ideas might be met with judgment or verbal lashing.
In honesty, that does happen with many partners, especially when there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship.
It’s vital to reach a point where you take the first step by turning off the devices and opening up vulnerably in a small gesture. Your mate will likely feel compelled to share, also leading to a preliminary conversation.
The deep topics you discuss privately will vary. That’s really entirely subjective and indeed personal from one couple to the next. It depends on what’s important to you and your mate, what you feel strongly about in your life and the world, and where your passions lie.
Some people want to open a dialogue about their fears and allow their mate to calm them. Others will ask questions and want to know everything about the partner’s past. That can be the subject of a profound and personal exchange. Anyone can suggest many broad topics for a deep conversation that you can then turn into an intimate dialogue.
But the idea is to narrow these down to fit your specific narrative once you develop a sense of trust and can hold empathy for the other person. These are the discussions that will strengthen your bond. Some examples of late-night conversation topics include talking about future projects, trips, relationship issues, and related ideas.
Let’s look at a few tips on how to get your mate to start opening up more when you’re trying to have a conversation.
Tips for couples on having deep conversations
Not all mates are the ideal conversation starter or know how to keep the dialogue flowing. Some prefer to avoid the potential for a battle if opinions differ or ideas are challenged. In fact, deep conversations mean to help individuals process things they might be having difficulty with.
They allow mates to see things in a different light and help gain insight on topics they might have little knowledge of or misunderstand. It’s sort of a learning and growing experience for each person. But how can you get someone to open up and try connecting more deeply? Let’s learn.
Are you a curious person by nature
No matter who you talk to throughout your day, it’s always a learning experience regardless of the length of the conversation. The information you take home is something you can share. Also, your partner will then equally have the bits from their life they too can bring into the dialog. So, many people keep overthinking while sleeping, and that’s not good all the time.
What generally begins a discussion is a question. Instead of asking a question that can be answered with a single word, always ensure the questions you ask require some explanation. What you’re doing is showing curiosity to your mate. That keeps you engaged in what they have to say and keeps them interested in the conversation.
Here are a few examples of deep conversation topics about life that you can make your husband or boyfriend talking hours about them before going to sleep or even over the phone.
- What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about life?
- Is there any place in the works that makes you happy when being there?
- What do you think about God and life?
- Are you happy with your education choice and career?
- What makes you the person you’re today?
- Can you make your kids aware of climate change?
- What is the biggest regret in your life?
Each of you is learning something from what’s being said and will remember the context because of learning from the other person.
If the first question of the evening you ask brings an explanation fraught with other things you don’t understand, continue to ask. You could be talking for hours deeply and intensely over the first simple question upon coming home.
Drop the mic
If your spouse is fully engaging in their thought process and you have something you want to add to the conversation, but, of course, after they finish what they’ve started, the problem is the further their story goes, the less relevant your thought, let it go.
If it doesn’t enhance the conversation or allow it to progress to another level, save it for another time when it might be more appropriate. Right now, the idea is to share more witty and wonderful stories that play into the topic flowing from your mate.
If you feel stuck and afraid that you won’t have anything pertinent to add, ask probing questions relating to their experience. Not yes or no questions but more along the lines of “what thoughts came to your mind as you were going through this experience,”. It’s something where your partner will need to be descriptive and elaborate so you can visualize.
If you need some examples of fun conversation topics for couples, have a look at the following:
- Why did you choose me over others?
- What is the worst advice you got?
- What can you do if there are no social media apps at all?
Empathize without sharing
When your mate shares with you, being vulnerable and expressing struggles, that isn’t easy. No one likes to expose their vulnerabilities readily. It’s tough to do that, and it needs to be met with active listening and empathy.
That can be visibly seen in the facial expressions and the body language you display. One thing you want to avoid at all costs is coming back with your own struggles in the face of theirs.
Usually, when someone does that, what they’re revealing is often not even relevant to the individual’s circumstances. Instead, the topic is being changed to the other person’s issues with little forethought to what the conversation started out to be about.
Don’t do that. Whether it’s a mate, a close friend, or even a family member, if someone is sharing something they’re going through, bringing them to their knees, be there for them. That’s genuinely all they’re asking by revealing their vulnerability. They need someone to listen and be there.
Turning it into something about you makes them feel as though they don’t matter. Your motive is unlikely to disrespect your partner or diminish their feelings. Pay attention with a listening ear and offer support. That’s better than being ignored after long hours of arguments.
To have an idea, these are interesting topics to talk about with your boyfriend for a deep conversation :
- What do you do if you become a millionaire?
- How much money do you spend on yourself?
- What will happen if you see me with someone else one day?
- Is there any person who changed your life one day?
- What are things you can change to be happier?
Differing ideas and opinions are okay
You and your mate will have differing opinions and ideas on varied subjects, and that’s okay.
You’re individuals, and that’s to be expected. It would help if you remembered to be honest when you’re having a deep conversation about a topic you have differing views on. Don’t talk at each other or over top of each other or even do battle. It’s unnecessary.
Simply respect their opinions and ideas. Let your guy or girl know you understand where they’re coming from and appreciate their view. But this is your idea, and it’s okay that you’re different. When you exchange ideas for long hours, that’s a healthy relatips, and even if your boyfriend texts you once a day, that’s not a problem because you’re talking a lot in a good way when being together.
Express the reasons you feel as you do, let them do the same, and you’ll see the other’s perspective. That’s all that matters. You can then progress forward, agreeing to disagree.
Deep conversations between mates don’t have to be a challenge. There’s a misperception that partners have to agree, or they’ll battle each other until one comes around to the other’s way of thinking. That’s a terrible mindset.
Significant others should be able to speak openly, vulnerably, and honestly with each other regardless of the subject and despite differing ideas with no judgment and no fear of retaliation.
Partners need to share mutual respect allowing each person their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Knowing you can discuss these on a deep level with your wife, husband or partner, in general is often the only thing that brings comfort, especially when there are struggles and challenges in the day-to-day or faced by the country or the world.
Sorting things out with a discussion can bring things back to a point where they make sense again. That’s what having a support system in your life does. The deep conversation wouldn’t be nearly as effective if you didn’t have that partner participating, listening, paying attention, and caring.