What To Do When Feeling Unattractive In A Relationship?

Even the most healthy partnership can start to break down after some time when a mate feels like their reassurances are insufficient to calm insecurities for a partner who feels unattractive in the relationship.

There’s not a person who doesn’t have their share of insecurities. Still, some people are better at healthily coping with them by focusing more on strengths than weaknesses, choosing to put the insecurity on the back burner. 

That’s necessary for personal mental wellness, not to mention the well-being of potential romantic partnerships. Being strong and capable of coping through insecurity doesn’t always come easy. That happens especially when you feel unattractive and doubt continually rears its head in the relationship.

These feelings can lead to believing a mate might be unfaithful despite their constant reassurances otherwise and assurance of how much they care and find you attractive. Ultimately, the partner feels like they’re somehow at fault for causing the unsettledness in the union.

When you don’t feel attractive to your boyfriend

Everyone feels a sense of insecurity about some aspect of themself. How you handle that insecurity will determine your personal mental wellness and the well-being of your romantic partnerships. 

If you don’t feel attractive in a relationship and persistently voice these feelings to a mate, the partner will make attempts to reassure these insecurities away. 

When consistent assurances are swiped away, it can leave a significant other feeling as though they’re a part of the problem. Also, that causes even what might have been a thriving relationship to start to crack from the pressures of the insecurities. What can you do to stop the cycle? Let’s learn.

Try to avoid looking for outside reassurance

Instead of seeking reassurance from your mate, look for validation within yourself. There will always be that moment when the two of you walk past a stranger who might appear more physically attractive but resist the urge to complain about not being attractive enough for your partner. 

Typically, the only voice that truly works on personal insecurity is your own. The things you’re looking to hear from your partner at that moment, search for your own self-worth. 

Allow yourself to focus on the fact that you feel attractive and loved and are worthy of a healthy partnership.

It’s vital to address all fears by putting a label with the “lie” and then asserting affirmations that confirm for you a genuine personal worth. 

Always remember a partner takes pride in the fact they have value, esteem, and love for the person you are and the qualities and attributes they hold dear. They don’t want to hear someone mocking these or putting them down, not even you.

Be open and vulnerable about your insecurities

Insecurity might be something everyone prefers to keep hidden, sort of like a shameful secret. But in reality, everyone has these to some degree. 

According to a survey conducted by Glamour magazine, over 80 percent of females didn’t enjoy looking in the mirror. And nearly 55 percent felt bad about their bodies.

Open a line of dialogue with your mate about your feelings of insecurity. Explain that you’re attempting to avoid allowing it to best you, but sometimes you feel worse than others. 

It’s good to let your partner know that when you voice negativity. So, that shouldn’t be viewed as a reflection on them, and you aren’t fishing for reassurance. 

The most that they need to do is give a quick gesture of love so you know they’re by your side, maybe an arm around the shoulder.

Insecurity is not always based on physicality. Often, experiences from the past or previous partnerships formed these perceptions and created fears within new relationships. 

It’s okay to broach these topics with a new mate. That way, they can try to understand the unhealthy place you’re coming from. You don’t need to go into extensive details about your past. But it is essential to share with your partner what’s happened.

Remember to be accepting instead of rejecting

When a partner offers kind words meant to compliment and show love, an insecure partner often will reject their affirmations by questioning the comment. If you express doubt each time a mate offers love, the significant other will start to feel hurt and rejected.

Instead of denying the affirmations, it’s critical to think before you respond so that you can return a “thank you” and a gesture of love in kind. 

Consider your mate and their feelings instead of the insecurity; consider how you feel for them and not how you think about yourself.

Over time, this will become second nature. The insecurity will be less of a priority; instead, your significant other will take the front and center where they should be. Plus, you’ll start to feel their love and accept their compliments, hopefully helping you eventually achieve a sense of self-worth and confidence.

Comparisons are unhealthy

More often in the world now, people compare themselves to others. That’s clear, especially with social networking sites like Facebook and Instagram, where people post pictures of their day-to-day life. 

The problem is most people don’t realize that a lot of what they see in magazines, advertisements, and even on social sites are altered to look a particular way.

The images breed insecurity as people make attempts to mimic what they see. So they can attempt to feel as incredible as they believe the individual in the picture must be about themself, at least that’s your perception. 

That person likely has their share of insecurities and comparisons similarly.

When you begin to recognize your ideology as not being fully satisfied with who you are with a need to develop self-love and not attempt to change into someone you’re not, that will be pivotal as a growth experience. 

A mate doesn’t want you to transform. The person they were initially drawn to, fell in love with, and developed a committed partnership with wasn’t depicted in a magazine or an advertisement, and it’s not likely they’re looking for that.

Jealousy is a direct result of insecurity

When you feel unattractive in a relationship, one of the direct results of this is jealousy. Whether your mate has friends or colleagues, these will bring pangs of jealousy if there is any amount of time spent apart from you entertaining these individuals.

That’s particularly true if you believe them to be attractive or find any attraction between your partner and someone in the group. 

You can grow more suspicious if you text or call and the message is not returned immediately or at all, or perhaps your significant other is late or cancels out with excuses about work.

One way to eliminate the insecurity is to ask the questions boldly. If you have any faith and trust at all in your mate, whatever he reveals to you should be the truth and squash any insecurities you have. 

The unattractiveness you’re feeling for yourself, and the insecurity are all making you doubt your partner. If you had a greater sense of self-esteem, a partner having friends or meeting colleagues wouldn’t likely be an issue.

Seek help with your feelings of unattractiveness

If you feel a sense that you’re unattractive can have severe adverse effects on your relationship. It produces insecurity within yourself that makes you doubt your mate’s genuine feelings and thereby can affect your own feelings of self-work and confidence.

It’s vital for someone who finds themself unattractive in any sense of the word to reach out to a professional counselor who can offer tools to work through that feeling of inadequacy. 

There are so many facets that lead to attractiveness. While we might focus on merely one of these, finding ourselves entirely unattractive because of that sole ingredient. If you will, other people in the world will look at the whole spectrum, with many finding us attractive for reasons we never considered.

An expert can guide you toward finding your self-worth. So there’s no need to look for others to reassure you that you’re an attractive person. But you will be able to validate this for yourself with a rediscovered sense of confidence.

That in itself is attractive.


When you find yourself unattractive, there are so many other things at play in that circumstance. It means you have no confidence, low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, insecurity, and need third-party therapy to help you work through the root cause of what brought you to this point. 

Something or someone brought you to this level of “self-defeatism.” That term is used because with these types of insecurity, you will defeat yourself with most relationships. 

A partner will attempt to build you up, only for you to knock down their attempts by contradicting complements with doubt.

Counseling and a good support group with others going through similar circumstances with whom you can openly and vulnerably release how you feel are warranted. 

A professional will give you adequate tools to work on the underlying problem to address the insecurity so you can thrive in a healthy partnership.

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