Complacency can strike any relationship, and generally does, when couples grow comfortable and familiar. That’s usually after the honeymoon phase.
One wrong way to handle it is by making a partner believe you’re seeing someone else to make them recognize the importance you have in their life. That has the potential for backfiring.
In essence, by doing this, you’re igniting jealousy. That’s a powerful emotion that can trigger anger, agitation, and aggression. If you intentionally lead someone into thinking that you’re willing to cheat, one of the first reactions could be to walk away from the relationship.
Most people are intolerant of affairs, but blatantly leading him to think that you would do that is deserving of a breakup.
Making him jealous because you’re dating someone else
Is your partner becoming a bit neglectful? Perhaps friends are growing more important than your partnership or working hours are getting later; maybe video games are his preference over quality time.
When communication fails, and you’re uncertain how to handle the situation, your instinct is to lead the man to believe you’re seeing someone else.
The problem with that solution is it’s crucial to be careful where jealousy is concerned. It’s a powerful emotion capable of triggering many adverse reactions, especially anger.
If you willfully confess to seeing another person or basically acknowledge cheating, that’s deserving of a partner walking away in that instant.
There are ways to use jealousy, however, without being destructive in an effort to attempt to boost the partnership or give a boyfriend a bit of kickstart, if you will. When done gently, it has the potential to help:
- Remind the guy of your value
- Help them see their fortune in having you
- Let them see you as the attractive person you are, and that other men acknowledge – you have no set obligations to him
- Help them remember the times before complacency took over
Let’s look at a few steps you can take to set these things in motion.
Set a night out with only your friends
Whether you’re currently living together or not, it’s important to find a way to let your boyfriend see you all dressed up for the evening out with your friends. That alone will send waves of jealousy, wondering what you will be getting into or who you might meet while roaming around.
He will begin to remember when he initially met you as a single person and recognize that he currently has no real hold over you. You had a thriving life before he came into the picture, and you’re exceptionally capable of establishing one if he were out of it.
Throughout the evening, send him a few selfies of the group having laughs and having a good time. It will keep him on his toes and fan the flames of jealousy, perhaps to the point of growing to appreciate what he has a bit more.
Subtly touch another guy by mistake
This can be effective but needs to be subtle and come off as unintentional when sitting with your partner in a group of people. Without being obvious, snicker or laugh at a guy’s jokes and find a way to accidentally touch him subtly. You don’t want to be a “creep,” so mind your manners and be natural.
Men are exceptionally sensitive about these issues. If another man were to touch a guy’s girlfriend, the superior protection mode kicks in automatically. Men have an instinct that they want to be their partner’s “hero,” offering provisions and protection.
While we’re in an age where this sounds almost prehistoric, some women still appreciate the “hero” component in men, and men do still carry this instinct; it’s merely a natural component of who they are.
Establish friendships with his friends
Regardless if these are his buddies, boyfriends are exceptionally “territorial.” While it makes them happy when you like their family and get along with their close friends, that’s all they care about. They don’t find it necessary for you to get particularly close with their pals.
One way to initiate a pang of jealousy is to make him wonder what you’re up to on a quiet weekend afternoon. When he reaches out, answer with a simple selfie of you with one of his friends enjoying a casual activity.
Let it be known that you’ve been spending some of your free time with one of his friends, perhaps his best friend. That will likely create a backlash of texts and phone calls and likely stir his appreciation for the partnership.
- Related: Why does someone turn his phone off?
Miss some of your scheduled dates
The relationship might be somewhat stuck in a rut of routine date nights or same old activities, or perhaps you’re always available when your boyfriend wants to do something.
Regardless when he reaches out for you to come over, he knows you’ll be there, or if he wants to go out, you’re ready. These reasons are part of the cause for the complacency developing.
To avoid being further taken for granted, it’s wise to make yourself less available. When your boyfriend calls, tell him you need to check your schedule to see what else you have going on or tell him.
You can also let him know you’re busy with friends on a particular day or have to work late, it’s not good for you. Perhaps doing this for some time will lead to a more respectful way of setting up a time to see you.
Don’t jump on the texts and calls
In that same vein, don’t rush to answer texts and calls. If you notice, most of the time, you have to wait to get a response to your messages, and often your calls go straight into voicemail, usually with no explanation.
When he finally responds, the simple explanation is he was busy, so it’s time he gets a taste of his own medicine.
Since you’re usually the one initiating texts and calls plus jumping on the phone to respond to his, it’s time to take a break away from the phone and messenger for a bit. Maybe wait to react until he sends another message or two. He’ll start to wonder what has you so caught up.
After a while, he’ll recognize that he’s not the whole source of your attention, that you do other things with yourself and your time. He might end up being grateful for the time that you do spend with him and the messages you take the time to send.
Let him know you heard from an ex
Hearing from an ex will make your current partner stand at attention, especially if it brings back fond memories for you and you’re spending time reminiscing about the person.
Your boyfriend may even begin to wonder if this other guy might have an opportunity to get back into your life if you’re having any sort of doubts about your relationship with him.
It’s unnecessary to bring out any detailed information or be graphic or intimate. Basic, general information about a particularly fun date or wondering how the ex has been after this amount of time is sufficient to get a current partner up in arms.
Working late with your male colleague will be hard to bear
If you call to cancel a date because you suddenly were asked to stay late to finish a work project with a male colleague, that will send any man into waves of jealousy. Work colleagues for all partners, spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends are a natural source of contention.
A boyfriend will ponder thoughts of what might occur while you are stuck in the office late at night together over work details, asking himself if you could really be working at such a late hour.
Everyone’s seen those films. It’s obvious what happens. The person sitting at home will have their mind wandering a mile a minute until the other person arrives.
This is one where you genuinely need to put the poor guy’s mind to rest when you get home. Otherwise, he won’t leave you alone until you consider the possibility of leaving that job for something where there are all females.
When you have a situation where a man has become complacent for any number of reasons, there are methods for kickstarting the spark. One of them is, indeed, not to make him believe you’re seeing another mate.
You never want to tell someone you’re cheating, even as a ploy. That will shatter trust and likely cause a partner to walk away.
There are far less brutal ways to bring about jealousy with a nondestructive, gentler approach. You want to play more to the gentleman’s hero instincts, not to his anger or aggression.
Some of us still adore the protective side of men. You’ll know you’re on the right path when your jealousy tactics trigger this sort of reaction. Hopefully, this means you will soon move away from complacency and more towards reigniting the spark.