Transparency is crucial in relationships but does that translate into relaying everything about one’s past to their boyfriend. You can go a step further from transparency into honesty.
Honesty and trust go hand in hand to establish a bond between a couple. How does divulging what happened before you were together affect the bond you share?
By disclosing the events that transpired in a life before you were together, will there be a level of understanding that these were decisions, preferences, ideas of someone younger, inexperienced, and unsure, and will there be respect for that instead of resentment, anger, or a sense of betrayal?
When there is respect in a partnership, whether there is conflict, disagreement, or even arguments, things are handled in a much more calm, reflective manner with more likelihood for a positive outcome than if there is bitterness which can lead to misinterpretation.
Then when a mate wants to learn all there is to know about your past, there’s no fear of judgment or repercussions when being open and vulnerable with sharing.
Reasons you should tell your partner everything about your past
If you have a mate that you believe is one you will be sharing your life with, there must be no significant secrets between you. But is what happened in the past pertinent to the life you share?
Is that something you owe to a current partner to divulge, or is it okay to keep what’s happened in your history private? As a rule, many people involved in a couplehood that will be a long-term commitment, perhaps marriage, will disclose the past, not all at once but in bits.
Each person wants their mate to know everything there is to know about them since you’re sharing a life. Let’s look at why disclosing the past to a boyfriend is a good move, particularly if you believe he might be the one.
Honesty has power in a partnership
When you can be honest about everything with no fear of rejection, consequences, or judgment, each person can feel as though they can speak vulnerably and openly about anything throughout the course of the partnership.
Talking about the past with your boyfriend is one step towards having other tough conversations.
No matter what happened in the days before you met, if your guy can deal with the details in a calm, respectful manner without becoming emotional or lashing out, that foreshadows how future communication will be handled.
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You can learn more about each other
Just because you’re divulging your past doesn’t mean you’re the only one. It should be a mutual thing where your man also discloses his history to you.
The two of you are learning more about each other in doing so. In some relationships, the mate would be stalking social profiles to understand what they can about past experiences or a history they don’t know.
Why allow them to find out in this way when it leads to misinformation but can come directly from you and be accurate?
Complete trust can be established
If you’re just beginning a relationship or have decided to become exclusively committed, developing trust is essential. One way to do that is never to have a question that you’re unwilling to answer regardless of how difficult it might be or the reaction you might fear.
The outcome will be what it is from a boyfriend. If someone decides your past is a reason to walk away from a partnership, that will be their choice. As long as you are upfront and honest, you have done your part in attempting to connect and work towards establishing a bond by building a sense of trust.
It’s up to a mate to accept what is in your history and what has made you who you are today.
Past mistakes stay in your history
No one wants to make the same mistakes. It’s wise to share what’s happened in the past, so together, you can make sure that these things don’t happen again. As a couple, each of you has a history that you might regret right now.
When you admit what you wish you could change from the past, a mate can ultimately make you feel better about the things you genuinely can’t change and ensure you’ve moved beyond the possibility of them happening again.
You can do the same with your boyfriend. Plus, there might be another person in a past relationship that your partner wants to avoid recreating the same patterns with you. The only way to do that is to hear about people who might have hurt you. It’s all a learning process.
It makes your mate comfortable
Sometimes when you share a piece of your own life with a mate, they’re not so afraid to share information that might not be pleasant with you in return.
Maybe they have a bit of a dark history that might include cheating on a partner that might otherwise be challenging to disclose. Still, when you divulge what’s happened with you, he develops confidence with his own vulnerability.
Perhaps someone cheated on him, and he’s afraid you’ll do the same, and it’s creating a sense of pain and uncertainty, but with your admissions, he can feel better about where he stands in the partnership.
Plus, you can learn things helping you to understand more about who your mate is and why he behaves the way he does in the relationship.
If he cheated on someone in the past, knowing could help the two of you work through why it happened and the likelihood of an affair in your current situation. You might have had a similar problem, and you can be a comfort and support for each other.
The future is affected by the past
Whether people care to admit it or not, the past affects the future. Whatever occurs in history can change the course of the future – if you let it.
When two people take time to release major events that occurred in their history to a significant other in one fell swoop, then those people allow some time and space to let that information process before reacting; it can mean a calm, respectful interchange when coming back together.
It’s vital not to let emotion get in the way or immediately react when something you might not like is revealed. The suggestion is always to take time to consider the facts and allow them to process to avoid having a potentially explosive conversation. Conflict is not the problem in relationships.
Everyone has disagreements, arguments, even fights; how you handle these is the critical factor. If you do so with respect and patience, even an unpleasant past can be accepted more readily.
Why should you avoid hiding your past from your boyfriend?
Keeping secrets or hiding your past from a boyfriend, especially one you see a future with, is deceptive and detrimental to the partnership.
Most mates will try to find out about the person they’re seeing one way or another if the individual won’t divulge freely either through tracking social media, Google, people-finding websites, or other means.
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The problem in allowing a partner to go to these lengths is that they can gain misinformation or misinterpret the details instead of getting accuracy.
Regardless of how bad you might believe your history is, the brunt of it is lessened when it comes directly from you. It offers the opportunity to discuss the “whys” and the “what ifs” as it pertains to your current situation, especially if there was cheating in the past.
Developing an open, honest line of communication at any point is vital to the ultimate success of the couplehood. When a man sees that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable regardless of what the repercussions might be, he will also find it safe to open up and share.
That’s especially true if he passed no judgment and showed nothing but support with your revelations.
It speaks volumes to what the future will hold for the two of you with respect to how you handle conflict and communication in a healthy, thriving, and successful partnership since you were able to deal with the past so well.
Conclusion
There comes the point with every couple when you need to decide whether you’ll discuss the past, or keep it in a shroud of mystery. In reality, the past is a critical component for those who want an open, no secrets, partnership where you know all there is to know about each other.
When they understand your past, it helps them understand the current person and what makes you who you are today. No one can do that if you keep your history secretive.
In reality, if a mate wants to find out, they’ll dig for information, and it will likely be bits and pieces that they misinterpret. It’s better to give them the facts upfront and accurately.
If someone walks away because they’re not thrilled with the unpleasantries from your past, move forward to finding a future with a person who can be non-judgmental and accepting.
