The digital world has opened up the possibilities for those in the dating world to meet a broader range of new and interesting people. It has also made it more difficult to recognize whether the guys you’re meeting online are players or genuine.
Some men (and women) believe it’s okay when it’s virtual to talk to several women at once. That’s a major downfall in the cyber world.
People believe in that arena, they can be uninhibited without consequences, but that’s simply untrue. When you wear a mask online, displaying crass behaviors that could affect people adversely, eventually, your reputation will precede you.
Once you’re stuck with the “player” label, you’ll suffer the repercussions of your thoughtless actions. Let’s learn a few signs to let women know they’re involved with an online player.
How to know if a guy you met online is not serious
Setting yourself up with varied networks online allows the illusion you can play-act, masquerade as anyone you wish, without consequence.
That’s literally what many people do when they go online. However, any sort of behavior you indulge in will have repercussions in real-time depending on your life circumstances . . . and what you did while in “character.”
Those deeply involved in an exclusive, committed partnership yet go online to carry on intimate conversations with a few different people can be deemed as online players.
The guys in this scenario are not being authentic with the women they’re contacting. They have no true interest, nor is there an intention of the interaction going further than the conversation.
Usually, the women involved in the situation have a genuine belief there’s interest in getting to know them for potential in-person meetings and possible real-time dating,
And that’s the result of you developing a connection with them. How can you tell if a man you’re talking to online is playing you or wants an authentic match? Check out these signs to pay attention for.
A player will be aggressive from the start
Instead of being cautious or slow in the beginning, someone who is disingenuous will be a bit too self-assured and gregarious about moving things along quickly. Usually, it takes time for a man to admit their feelings or share their emotions.
With a player, they’re not only willing to express themself but do so in an intense, often overly zealous way that can overwhelm the receiver.
In most cases, if you listen to your instinct, it sends red flags to the brain, questioning the rush and why someone would be moving so quickly.
The online dating player enjoys the “game” because it provides them a boost to their ego and allows them to be the central focus of someone.
While it’s possible the individual could simply be a rather forward person and genuinely like you, most people allow relationships to “bloom” in their time. If he’s making no moves to meet up in person, it’s wise to ask the questions.
The guy is appearing online but isn’t responding to messages
It’s curious when you’re relatively predictable with your messaging patterns and can tell when your online dating partner is online. Still, yet the responses to your messages take an extended time to come back.
You can presume your potential cyber “boyfriend” is involved in activities around the house while attempting to fit in messaging with you, or perhaps he’s talking to other people simultaneously.
Instead of being paranoid, consider that the guy might only get online at specific periods of the day and might be talking to friends or family members in addition to his conversation with you.
An excellent way to stop making assumptions about why you’re having to wait on responses when you also have other things you could be doing is by simply asking if he’s busy.
You can’t be afraid to communicate how the stuttered responses make you feel. If the man takes offense and stops messaging altogether instead of taking a moment to explain, you’ll know he wasn’t the right match.
Is there more than one online profile
When you’re getting to know a potential new match online but find multiple profiles for the guy, you will recognize this individual is an online player.
That doesn’t mean there are varied platforms with profiles on each; that’s natural. Instead, there are several different personas on one network.
- Keep reading: How do you know if someone is real on a dating site?
Does this person feel they need to have an authentic version of themselves for the people closest to them like family and beloved friends, maybe a significant other, and then there’s the one you and perhaps the rest of the online dating world see.
Needless to say, you’ll want to investigate a little further to ensure you’re not involved with lothario cheating on his one true love with you and probably a slew of other emotional online affairs.
It’s not difficult to look into the fake profile once you find the other ones, especially if he used his own picture. You can even find out his real name and compare the details he provided by taking that picture and putting it into an online search engine, that is, if you care to take it to that level.
Otherwise, you can simply move on to someone you feel has more integrity.
“I’m open to the potential of a partnership.”
What does that mean exactly? You can take that at face value since no one will start online dating chats by discussing marriage and children. Still, it can indicate that they want to keep things casual so they can see other people while seeing you.
Perhaps they have a fear of commitment. You can dissect the line over and over in a multitude of ways. The only way to genuinely know how to take the context is to ask them to elaborate on it.
- Read also: Why is he ignoring my texts?
You don’t want to risk the potential of scaring someone who might be a good match off by expecting too much in the beginning. But it is acceptable to find out if you’re both on the same “dating page” upfront.
If he remains vague with his expectations, it’s likely a sign that he’s an online player.
Pet names are the only references you receive
While your name is clearly denoted on your profile page, the only reference you get is pet names like perhaps “hon,” “babe,” “sweetie,” and on, regardless of the tone of the conversation.
After a while of being recognized in only generic terms, most people begin to question it. Maybe there’s a problem remembering their real name, or it could be that their “boyfriend” isn’t fond of the moniker.
What about the idea that the man is interacting with so many other women that he’s afraid he’ll call you the wrong name? Instead of taking that risk, he uses generic options for everyone.
You can quickly put him to the test by starting a conversation using his name. When he responds with a cutesy reference, ask him to please use your name instead.
If he cannot do that or uses the wrong one, you have a player. It’s time to walk away from this unhealthy situation.
Conversations never have substance
With online dating chats, the idea is to get to know each other over some time until you feel comfortable enough to meet in person. The only way to do that is to develop more meaningful conversations with each message and perhaps graduate to video chats.
If you can’t establish an honest conversation with the guy you’re messaging, he could be an online player. That’s especially true if his version of chatting always leads to sexting or expressions of undying love without any substantial knowledge of you or your lifestyle.
The best way to avoid these empty discussions is to redirect them by asking how his day was or seeing if he’ll tell you anything personal about himself.
If the guy doesn’t want to share personal details with you and isn’t curious about yours, that should immediately send red flags to your brain that this man is not truly interested in real-time dating.
No one wants to admit they have become involved with an online player after believing they’ve found an interesting guy to chat with on a social network. We all want to believe that we have good instincts with the ability to know when we’re faced with a fraud straight away.
In reality, some of these people are truly good at playing people. It’s become part of who they are and what they do on a relatively regular basis. When you’re not part of that world like most of us, you’re not keen on that behavior and won’t recognize it readily.
The best you can hope to do is look for the red flags, listen to your instincts, and communicate when something seems out of the ordinary. And if you don’t like the way something makes you feel in general, move on. You can’t establish a connection without comfortability and confidence in the couplehood.