Dating a fearful-avoidant woman might give you pause as to how to alter your behavior in order to avoid making this woman disappear. In the beginning, things might be incredible with daily communication, missing each other when you’re apart.
Then you find yourself pursuing the new girlfriend, wondering why you’re no longer getting any attention. At this point, you conclude that you’ve become involved with an individual with a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
What does this mean for your relationship, and how can you date successfully? Let’s learn?
Tips For Dating A Fearful Avoidant Woman
Theoretically, the suggestion is that everyone will develop a “primary attachment style” no later than age five. This dictates how each person emotionally bonds, or attaches, with people as they grow into adulthood.
The indication is there are three: secure style, anxious, and the fearful-avoidant. Depending on who you are will dictate the course of your relationship.
For instance, the likelihood of two individuals from the secure style thriving with a healthy partnership is relatively good. But when you start to mix the styles, things can become complicated.
When looking for tips on dating a fearful avoidant woman, it’s essential to gain insight into your specific attachment style and how you handle intimacy and bonding. It will then be easier to accommodate the issues the avoidant brings to the partnership since these can be heavy.
In the subconscious, an avoidant has a deep-seated fear of losing their sense of independence when becoming too close with another person. When they recognize a connection forming, they start turning to strategies meant to “extinguish” the chemistry or intimacy.
These might be looking for flaws or quirks in a girlfriend or spouse to work their way out of the partnership, push women away when everything is going great. Or hold out for the fantasy relationship or “the one” that only exists in fairy tales.
It doesn’t mean the avoidant is impossible to date. It merely means they don’t require the level of intimacy that other attachments need.
Once there’s a level of understanding and determination to grow together securely, the partnership can be mutually loving yet not suffocating. What are some tips for dating the fearful-avoidant woman? Check these out.
Communication is key
Communication is key in any healthy relationship. However, there is a point when you can inundate someone, a fearful-avoidant, with too much contact. You can also become emotional in your context, which will go over poorly.
If your lady has not been in contact with you for a few days, or you haven’t received a text in response to the one you sent for the whole day, tension could be mounting. It’s vital to avoid sending countless messages to get their attention or calling to leave one passive-aggressive voice mail after the other.
Instead, you must bring yourself to the point of calm in any way you can to cope with the stress and tension. Your companion can sense the emotion despite your efforts to disguise them.
Once you find a way to relax your mind and return to a level of positivity, you can then communicate between you. A compromise can be reasoned to balance your preference for your partner not to disappear with the woman’s need to have personal space.
Perhaps, there can be a heads up that she’s taking a reprieve to avoid any potential for panic.
- Read also: When a person lies to you and you know that
Patience will take practice
The fearful-avoidant will push when they feel their independence or autonomy is somehow threatened. When your girlfriend wants you to back it up because she feels you’re infringing on her personal space, do that.
You might feel almost like you’re enduring a rollercoaster of emotion from time to time where you’re being pulled in close and then pushed away. But these are the moments that call for patience. Attempting to pressure an avoidant or push them when they pull away will only cause them to withdraw further.
Pay attention to your lady’s intentions
Your attachment style might bring you to a heightened state of interpretation of your lady’s emotions. That causes you to be incredibly sensitive to the ideology that your partner is beginning to pull away. You could, in fact, each be misinterpreting the other’s stance, ultimately creating strife when there’s no cause.
Before you decide to react to a situation, consider what the woman’s intentions might be. Then go further to collect proof and details before settling on a judgment.
Instead of jumping to an initial reaction based on fear, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how straightforward a situation can turn out when you consider all the facts before responding.
Partners should always take the opportunity to separate what could be false presumptions and misinterpretations from genuine intentions. Your partner could very well be centered on a project with a deadline and not considering communication right now.
That has nothing to do with the partnership or implying it’s in trouble. Considering all that’s happening in your girl’s world, you can save everyone some emotional turmoil.
Make sure to get involved in activities for dates
A fearful-avoidant tends to be an overthinker, getting lost in their train of thoughts when left with them for too long. When engaging in quality time, the last thing you want is a quiet setting where your girlfriend has ample opportunity to drift off into a mound of fears and worries.
Instead, make sure each date is activity-filled, like indulging in a new recipe that you can then try out while listening to a trivia program on the mobile. Perhaps you could go for a run or a long hike to keep your partner in the present as you continue to connect.
In an active setting, the avoidant tends to relax more with a greater capacity for intimacy. As people begin to bond, the brain releases feel-good hormones like “vasopressin and oxytocin” which encourage a deepening bond and help develop a sense of trust.
Be supportive but avoid the effort in trying to fix things
Avoidants struggle tremendously with identifying their emotions but, worse, cannot find words to discuss them with a partner. The indication is that being able to name feelings is one method of managing or even diffusing them.
According to “Dan Siegel, a Psychologist,” our emotions are merely energy continuously looking to be expressed. According to this psychologist, finding the appropriate means for doing so is the first step.
The recommendation for a partner of an avoidant is to suggest that the journal. Journaling is the ideal method for coming in contact with your personal emotions, particularly if you find that you are disassociating with them.
When asking your girlfriend to become more in tune with her emotions, she must want this more than you do. If there’s no interest in growing together or progressing forward in a more healthy approach, it’s either up to you to accept this situation for what it is or step away.
You might need a more secure partner to avoid so much pain being inflicted upon you.
The Avoidant Personality Wants To Choose Love
It can seem challenging to attempt a relationship with a person struggling with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. Fortunately, with adequate support and substantial inner work, these individuals have the potential to progress into a secure attachment style.
The importance for the avoidant is recognizing they are safe and that the closeness they’re encountering will not create similar circumstances as when they were a child. It won’t control them.
Time and experience will ultimately allow a new narrative to begin to form, and the avoidant female will have her “template” rewired.
A partner that chooses to date the avoidant will need to come with an initial understanding that there will be unavoidable trials and tribulations throughout the relationship. The individual will not only need to be supportive and patient but recognize where they too need to do work.
There will be adjustments on each side, but the determination to make things work between them will give them the strength to handle whatever obstacles they face. Ultimately that strength and determination will bring them success.
Healthy relationship patterns are tough to achieve for everyone, regardless of the attachment style. But when you start mixing the styles, it’s challenging for people who see intimacy in unique ways to come together healthfully.
That’s particularly true for those who are tremendously afraid of intimacy because they fear it will somehow lead to pain for them, like the avoidant.
How do you even develop from dating someone struggling in this way to establishing a committed relationship? As suggested time and again, communication but not to an overbearing degree with this particular individual. Plus, a great deal of patience and time.
An interesting fact, the population consists of roughly 25% fearful avoidants making it a sure bet you’ll meet someone dealing with this issue. You might not date. Perhaps you will. Or become a close friend, a tight-knit colleague, maybe even be related. How will you interact?