What should a person do when presented with a bald-faced lie or a lie told to them when they’re aware of the truth. It takes considerable discipline not immediately to react, but that’s always the right thing to do in any situation.
A brief response and stepping outside the circumstances to collect your thoughts on how best to deal with the lie allows you to gain composure and consider the severity, the purpose, and the potential consequences.
That’s where many people come to an impasse because, truth be told, few people can raise their hand to say they’ve never said anything untruthful. In a scenario where someone asks whether their hair looks nice, and you come to find they’ve only finished cutting it by themself for the first time – ever, would you lie?
There shouldn’t be a soul on the planet that would hurt that person’s feelings. That will, of course, require a bit of bald-faced lying to spare those feelings. Or would it?
The person knows you’re fibbing, but they also understand you’re trying to be kind. How would that lie be handled? Likely with a hug. That’s why you walk away to dissect a bald-faced lie to determine the seriousness and the reason for it. Then decide what the repercussions should be.
Until you know what the intention behind the lie was, you can’t handle it appropriately. Let’s look at how the people on the receiving end can deal with lies.
Complications when they hide things but you know it
Lying is a complicated behavior. It’s something everyone is guilty of at one point or another. It’s true for some of us who pride ourselves on being exceptionally honest, forthright, and even blunt with the truth to a fault, regardless of the circumstances.
I don’t know that it’s necessarily lying, but often it seems there’s usually much more tact when someone wants to know how they look or requests a critique or an opinion.
Unfortunately, in those situations, it’s easy to lose respect for the person you’re requesting these comments from if you find out they’re holding back or lying. I personally prefer and appreciate it when someone is bold and pointed with me.
We can’t learn and grow if people only tell us what we want to hear. But in that same breath, it’s tough hearing the rough stuff. Here are a few situations where a partner needs to practice honesty.
If you want to tell if someone is lying about cheating, here is how you can do that. First, search for their dating accounts. If you see any profile, see if it’s a recent one or an old page. Next, search for your spouse’s details online and browse any page with contact numbers, photos, and other details that you’re not aware of. Finally, use this information to understand your parent’s behavior.
The little white lie
People consider telling their partners or loved ones that they look good in every circumstance, doling out compliments with no authenticity behind them.
Perhaps, there’s a moment when an outfit might be unflattering. But in order to spare feelings, the individual is told that they look incredible. Partners call these “little white lies” meant to make the person feel good.
And everyone knows significant others and loved ones lie in these ways.
But the other way to look at that, and the problem with it, is that other people out in public might not be so kind. Suppose the clothing fits poorly or is not a good match for the body type.
In that case, the individual might face repercussions from strangers on the street, ultimately becoming a devastating scenario for them. Who better to hear the truth from, albeit tactfully and gently, than those they love?
The lie to avoid confrontation and conflict
Should these bald-faced lies be subject to consequences because a partner was trying to keep peace in the relationship? There will indeed be consequences from fabricating stories to avoid communication regardless if that might have led to a conflict.
Avoiding conflict distracts from finding a solution to problems in the partnership. When issues go unresolved for a long enough period of time, they can ultimately create irreparable damage.
When your partner recognizes that you’re lying to get out of the discussion, it can only worsen the problem and erupt into conflict and confrontation.
You should never expect that a partnership will be able to progress forward healthfully if you decide to sweep problems under the rug with a barrel of lies. That’s different from a teenager who tried to hide the truth, and you’re aware of what’s real.
How should you handle that?
When someone is lying to your face, and you know it, you can handle it in numerous ways. The first thing is to determine the intention. When there’s no malice, it’s something you can work through, but it needs to be nipped.
Lies of any sort, little ones meant to spare feelings, those with no malice, all lies lead to mistrust. Once you break trust with a partner, it can be challenging to rebuild that.
Their first instinct is to wonder if you would lie about something so insignificant, what else is there. They begin to doubt you. So while you can work through the behavior, the habit must be broken.
Let’s look at how you can handle the situation when you know a partner is lying to you.
Play 20 questions
Don’t make the lie easy for the individual. This person took the position of lying directly to your face regardless of how large or small the incident was. It would help if you began to pose questions to the person they will be challenged to respond to without creating an awkward situation for themself.
It’s the ideal way to handle a lie; you don’t want to call out yourself blatantly. After becoming flustered and flabbergasted, a significant other will likely fess up on their own.
If you want someone to tell you the truth, then, start your question with direct eye contact. By doing that, you can learn from that person’s body language how they react.
Listen and let it slide
Sometimes some things are simply not worth the battle. If the lie is substantially insignificant and you don’t believe there have been others, it might be worth merely moving on.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Lies are a betrayal. You will learn to pay close attention in the future, and it will likely impact how you interact with your mate from that point.
One thing you do need to be honest with yourself about in this specific circumstance is if you have ever done anything remotely similar, especially since it’s an insignificant situation. It would help if you never held anyone else to a higher standard than yourself.
If you’re guilty of fibbing now and again to serve your own purposes, meaning no harm to your partner, cut them a little slack.
Confess your flaws
No one is without fault. We all have quirks and flaws, making us the unique beings we are. And, again, none of us are guiltless when it comes to being capable of lying.
When you know the truth, but someone is lying to your face, you can kind of turn the tables on them by confessing your missteps.
It won’t be something the other person will be anticipating but will likely make them feel ashamed or guilty. The hope is that it will open a line of communication where each of you can speak your truths.
In that dialogue, perhaps it will come out why your partner felt the need to be deceitful with you.
The concern is if it will happen again in the future and how that can be prevented. That’s where the conversation needs to lead. No one wants to walk around with the fear that a significant other might in some way betray them. Lying can create that mindset.
Give them an out
When your partner is telling you lies, and you know the truth, you can offer them the opportunity to change their story. It’s as simple as asking them if they’re sure that’s how they remember the situation or if they might have forgotten how things really happened.
Any way you pose the questions, the individual will have an idea that you know the truth. They’ll need to either come clean or go much more elaborate. Everyone knows when you tell lies to cover lies, it only goes downhill from that point. It’s much better to sit down and explain yourself.
So, if your boyfriend, for example, has another number, then, ask him why he prefers keeping that contact information hidden on the phone? Then, show him that you can type that number in Google and find the assisted details like secret social profiles.
That said, when someone lies about you to others, that could damage your reputation. In most cases, that happens in the workplace when a colleague is jealous of you, no matter if that person is a guy or a woman. Also, that could happen in relationships when one partner tries to change the way that others see the spouse.
Many people genuinely have the mindset that a small lie here or a “little white lie” there meant with no ill intentions, perhaps only to spare feelings, are okay.
Lies betray the person on the receiving end. If that individual finds out they’ve been lied to, they might shrug it off or laugh with you. But in their mind, they’ve lost a little bit of trust for you all simultaneously.
When you believe you’re sparing someone’s feelings, you’re sending that person out into the world with the illusion that everything is fantastic. We all know our mates and loved ones will sugarcoat a bit. But we also expect some level of critiquing to avoid potential embarrassment.
If not, someone else might pose their opinion, a coworker, a client, a stranger on the street, and that can be earth-shattering if it’s unpleasant.
Lies don’t protect; they aren’t helpful or soothing for someone’s heart; they don’t make a situation better. Lies create distrust and cause damage. And when you bald-faced lie to someone you love who knows you’re lying, it could be irreparable.